God, i made such a big mess. I really wish I would have just.. dealt with any issues I had because really, I hate this.
I don’t even think I was honest with him with the intent of breaking up with him. I was telling him exactly what he was getting himself into with my indecisiveness. honestly, I thought he was going to break up with me. He keeps asking me what I want, how much time I need, and I can’t answer either of those. I don’t know why I was honest with him. I did it because I felt like I was lying to him by letting him think that I’m always 100% appreciative of the relationship like he is.
There are times when I all I want is to be around him and with him, but there are times when that’s the exact opposite of everything I want. I don’t know why I’m like this. I can’t tell if it’s me just needed space and being independent or if I don’t want to be in the relationship. But, I should need space for a week before I want to be with him.
The only thing that I am completely sure of right now is that I love him. That’s it. I don’t know if I like being in a relationship, but that doesn’t stop me from loving him. It might stop him from loving me, though, and then..
Matt’s going to hate me. I don’t know why, but he’s the one person who when he’s mad at me, I’m a mess. Usually if someone is mad at me, I tell them to get over it because it’s stupid or I talk to them and I’m able to fix it. That doesn’t work with Matt. I can pretend to ignore that he’s ignoring me, but it hurts. It hurts more than it should, meaning I probably trust him too much, let myself get too attached. There’s no going back now, though.
Someone come fix this, please.
Matt being angry with you affects you like it does because he’s like..your best friend. If you got mad at me, I’m sure I’d feel the same way.